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Joke of the Day

"[pulls up after first date] Me: well, this is my place Her: a bouncy house? Me: you expected a bouncy castle? IM SORRY ""YOUR MAJESTY."""

"What is the similarity between a weiner and a Rubik's Cube? The more you twist them the harder they get."

"The internet is amazing in its ability to speed up communication, for instance it used to take years to realize you hated your friends."

"Autocorrect is like my girlfriend. It always changes what I said to something I didn't mean."

"If a person with ADHD went to a camp... ... would it be called a concentration camp? Source: Girlfriend with ADHD"

"Do you have any naked pictures of your girlfriend on your phone??? No?? Want me to send some to you?"

"""Hi?"" -First cow being milked"

"What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians? a drummer ..."

"[Bruce Wayne enters Gotham Orphanage] I'll take your finest orphan. ""Sir, we can't just give-"" Here's $50mil. ""Do you like boy acrobats?"""

"A furniture-maker got caught by his wife coming in at 4am ""Damn it, Jesse! I will not let you ruin our marriage over one night stand!"""