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Joke of the Day

"A furniture-maker got caught by his wife coming in at 4am ""Damn it, Jesse! I will not let you ruin our marriage over one night stand!"""

"This old lady in the grocery store was just giving me the weirdest looks and the worst piggy back ride of my life"

"Are you from Memphis? Cause you look like your parents were related."

"Me: I just broke a nail. WebMD: Finger cancer."

"I quite enjoy blowing air around a room. In fact, I'm a big fan."

"How do you know when a hiptser is a good secret agent? You've never heard of him."

"I love my dog. He's a real son-of-a-bitch."

"What kind of shoes do therapists wear? Issues."

"My friend got sent to prison for pulling out 3 people from a burning building Unfortunately, it turned out they were firefighters"

"I like that CNN is tweeting a picture of ebola bacteria. It will be handy in case I encounter it in the wild. With my microscope vision."