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Joke of the Day

"Can you guys give me the names of some famous athletes and prisoners? I'm making a pros and cons list."

"I can't imagine the enormous pressure on fat black women to be sassy all the time."

"Did you hear the one where the Scotsman gave his son some money? Neither did I."

"If you suddenly realize it's 3pm and you've gotten nothing accomplished, it's OK to go back to bed."

"Dance till you feel hurt. Sing till your lungs hurt. Act till you're William Hurt. - Phil Dunphy From Phil's Osophies (Modern Family). I have to get that book."

"What do you get if you don't pay your exorcist? Repossessed. (Credit to my great-grandmother.)"

"Everybody Knows. No one should have been upset when Whitney Houston died in her bathtub. Everybody knows black people can't swim."

"Saw a homeless guy babbling about conspiracy theories that doesn't really make sense... You could say it was a vague rant."

"Knock Knock Knock knock Who's there? A man with short-term memory problems. A man with short-term memory problems who? Knock knock"

"What did the Jewish pedophile say to the kid? Hey, wanna buy some candy?"