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Joke of the Day
"I went to see Walt Disney on ice It was a bit disappointing, just an old bloke in a freezer."
Next Joke
"I like to think of myself as a guy who doesn't scare too easily but I just beat the shit out of a motion activated air freshener."
"what do you call an animal that's neither a herbivore nor a carnivore?? an om-nom-nomnivore"
"Did you hear about that rude homeless guy down the street? He made some roofless remarks."
"What do you call a personal laptop floating in the ocean? A Dell - Rolling In The Deep"
"I spend more time pretend talking into bananas than I do real talking into my cellphone."
"what is worse than locking your keys in your car parked at planned parent hood? going inside to borrow a coat hanger"
"What did the police say when they finished interviewing Dylann Roof? You're hired"
"""People want to drink a panic attack."" -- inventor of 5 Hour Energy"
"NEWS ANCHOR: Here's Gary with day 1 of his outdoor summer weather report. GARY: [frying an egg on the sidewalk] I quit. Back to you, John."