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Joke of the Day
"What does a dominatrix say when she's late? ""Sorry I tied you up"""
Next Joke
"They say you are what you eat I guess that makes me a human"
"How do you tell if a feminist is on their period? You can't."
"You've got to be twins. You're too stupid to be one person."
"My niece was born with no eyelids, bless her heart, but the doctors were able to replace them with surgically removed foreskin... Only side effect is she's a little cock-eyed now."
"I sleep like a baby at night, rarely and with short bursts of crying and pooping, sometimes both"
"Quick: how do you un-shake a baby?"
"What is the difference between the US and yogurt? If you leave yogurt for 200 years it'll grow a culture."
"Instead of going to couples therapy, married people should just join Tinder and see what a nightmare single people have to deal with"
"[Me flirting with a twenty something] Him: When last did you get lit? Me: This morning. It was really sunny so I was well illuminated."