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Joke of the Day

"The Canadian election consists of two men apologizing till one concedes, the winner is then elected king of Canada. Or something like that."

"I left three Cleveland Browns tickets on my windshield before yesterday's game. I came back and there were nine."

"There is a bomb going to explode in 3...2...1... Holy shit, this blew up!"

"What's red and green and wears boxing gloves? A fruit punch."

"Sir, the children at the petting zoo are unhappy. They think our animals are lame *stares off into distance* We're gonna need a bigger goat"

"The white Xbox One S was just announced. Of course it's 40% smaller than the black one."

"What do you call a man who's on fire? Bernie."

"I was born pessimist My Blood Group is B negative"

"What do Nagasaki and Tehran have in common??? Nothing... yet."

"Last weekend I prevented a rape. It didn't take much. You can do it too. I finally convinced her"