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Joke of the Day

"I flipped off a latino guy who cut me off in traffic and now I'm polling at 8% in the Republican primary."

"What do a call a blonde that dyes her hair brown? Artificial Intelligence."

"""Girl, your rhinestone encrusted flip phone tricked me into thinking you were a princess!"" - No one ever"

"Happy 15th bday, Internet Explorer! We baked you a cake. What's that funny taste? Definitely not poison. Have another slice!"

"How do you keep a blonde in suspense? ..."

"How do you get a girl from the Midwest to ""s"" your ""d""? Dip it in ranch."

"[highschool reunion] CLASSMATE: I'm a top chef. You? ME: I'm an avoca C: a what M: an avoca C: what's an avoca do M: a top chef would know"

"I'll betcha that Heimlich guy gets a lot of pats on the back."

"*dad bursts into my room and puts me in a headlock* ""Why didn't you 'Like' the Grumpy Cat meme I posted on Facebook, you son of a bitch?"""

"Why are women called bitches? Because they both run after sticks and balls."