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Joke of the Day

"What do you call an Italian with no arms? Deaf"

"Guy told me I have ""Bambi eyes""...is that even a compliment? Oh god, please don't shoot my mother."

"At what age do you tell your kids that the UN isn't real"

"Just when I manage to convince myself that I am a superior and more intelligent being, I walk into a door."

"There's been four dudes wandering around our local cemetery all morning. I think they've lost the plot."

"I spent 20 minutes at the gym trying to untangle my headphones...I'm done..my arms are killing me!"

"What's worse than ants in your pants? Uncles in your pants"

"I know the kids don't like you and pick on you, but you have to go to school... you're the teacher!"

"Dear whoever ate my fries while I was in the ball pit at McDonalds... Not funny, grow up."

"What should you do if you find a snake in your bed? Sleep in the wardrobe."