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Joke of the Day

"Co-worker had a meltdown over someone having a b-day cake. Said since she has no willpower, stop bringing cake in. Tonight, baking cookies."

"[2 cavemen] Look what me discover! This game changer! *grabs it* ""This hot! Burn fingers. What you call it?"" *takes back mixtape* FIRE!"

"Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone? He got hit by a bus"

"Wait. If Toyotas can't stop accelerating, can't they theoretically be used for space travel?"

"DOG: I think that job interview went well! *looks in mirror and sees ear was inside-out the whole time* Son of a"

"What's 50 Cents name in Zimbabwe? 400 million."

"I just spent an hour at the gym. I couldn't find a close enough parking spot so I left."

"I spilled laundry detergent on my rug! It really tide the room together."

"I almost ate that little packet in the shoe box. Good thing it said 'do not eat'. That was close."

"That awkward moment when the Priest uses YOUR confession as the theme for his sermon. Again."