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Joke of the Day

"My username is fatatata I am not fatatall"

"My friend was being attacked by a duck. I tried to warn him but it only made things worse."

"How do you know if a redneck girl is a virgin? See if she can run faster than her brothers."

"I like my coffee like I like my men Black and shot twice"

"What's the tallest building in the world? The library, because it has the most stories =D"

"Once you hit the speed of light... Once you hit the speed of light, you have infinite mass. So you know what? That's my problem: I'm not fat, I'm fast."

"A 15 year old took gold in the Olympics and then there is me whose greatest accomplishment is getting up to 10 on flappy bird."

"I will never go bungee jumping. A rubber breaking was the reason I was born, it sure as hell isn't going to be the reason that I die."

"[speed dating] *girl sits down* ""hi im melan- QUICK A ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE HAPPENS WHAT WEAPON DO YOU USE ""wha- CORRECT ANSWER WAS KATANA. NEXT"

"My wife is the most beautiful, intelligent person standing right behind me reading my Twitter feed."