227704

Joke of the Day

"[every 3 hours] You know what screw it jm going to treat myself"

"I'd love to show a fountain to someone from the 3rd world: ""This is our water showing off contraption. We also throw our extra money in it"""

"Why is everything lying on the floor? my mom asked Gravity, I replied."

"don't usually brag about helping people, but when I saw an old lady drop her groceries, I yelled: ""lift with a straight back!"" it felt good"

"What is a terrorist his favourite car? A Citroen C4"

"Did you hear about the race between the two decapitated heads? I heard they were neck and neck"

"How do mob boss mules open doors? With Don-keys."

"If I were British I would carry around a monicle and drop it whenever I was horrified"

"Is venison deer? No really. Only paid a couple of bucks."

"A guy walks into a pet store wanting to buy a talking bird. He sees a parrot and says to the bird, ""Hey, can you speak, stupid?"" The bird replies, ""Yes, can you fly, Dummy?"""