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Joke of the Day

"Advertisement for a crane company... Advertisement for a crane company: Call us, and we'll hook you up!"

"Wow, I must look really hot tonight working out, everyone is totally staring at me. *walking on treadmill with a candy bar and a Pepsi"

"Diner: Waiter please close the window. Waiter: Why is there a draft? Diner: Yes it's blown my steak off the plate three times."

"What did the banana say to the vibrator? ""I don't know why you're shaking, I'm the one about to be eaten!"""

"Why did Helen Keller's dog run away? You would too if your name was WARRGELBLAFFENGAR!!!!!"

"Once I was travelling in a taxi, the taxi driver said: ""I am very happy with this job. I am my own boss and nobody can order me what to do."" Then I said: ""Take left."""

"John Wilkes Booth is one of history's greatest stand-up comedians I heard he really killed at Ford's Theatre."

"Did you hear about the Pirate suffering from scurvy? His attempts to cure it were *fruitless*."

"What is a heroin addict's favorite website? Instagram."

"""I knew he was the murderer when I saw him on the dance floor,"" Holmes said. ""You see, Watson, guilty feet have got no rhythm."""