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Joke of the Day

"I'm quitting drinking for good. Now I drink for evil."

"Why do they call it the Star Wars Universe? When it's only a galaxy"

"My Christian friend asked 4 proof there is no God.nnI pointed out Adam Sandler is a multimillionaire movie starnnNow my friend's an atheist"

"Why was the penguin banned from the Winter Olympics? He was caught taking Polaroids."

"The Names of Politicians Bush... Dick... Boehner... Weiner... And they say politicians sometimes win via *name recognition*."

"What's the opposite of Stephen Hawking? Stephen Talking."

"What did the mountain climber name his horse? Everest. Any time he is bored I see him Mount Everest."

"I do really well on Jeopardy. I get all the answers, every one of them, almost instantly. I do, however, have a lot of trouble coming up with the questions."

"Why did the chicken cross the ocean? To get out-of-range of North Korea's nukes."

"Tell me again how I unloaded the dishwasher too loudly when you were watching golf. Detectives will want to know exactly how this went down."