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Joke of the Day

"What does an elephant say when it kidnaps someone? ""Get in the trunk"""

"Swimming is good for you. Especially if you are drowning."

"Fake moms- 'I never want to be away from my children' Real moms- 'You drop that pizza, I'll put you up for adoption'"

"*smacks you with my coloring book* Wow. These coloring books really do work to relieve stress."

"I just drank some honey wine I'm feeling pretty buzzed."

"So, a priest goes weeks without eating, walks barefoot, and has bad breath. [x-post from /r/punny] He's a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis."

"A werewolf is chasing you. You're on a Segway. The werewolf is too. Both batteries are dying, and the chase gets slower and slower."

"A man's work is never done. ""...Something both men and women can agree on!"""

"[as a kid] Can't wait to grow up and make my own decisions! [now] Why did I think this would be fun"

"Why did the lady stare at the orange juice? Because she thought it was telling her to concentrate!"