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Joke of the Day

"Q: Why can't you play Uno with a Mexican? A: They steal all the green cards."

"What did the lesbian vampire say to the other? See you next month!"

"There were two snowmen standing in a field, one says to the other... Can you smell Carrots?"

"Why does Helen Keller masturbate with only 1 hand? because she is moaning with the other."

"While having an all-out war with underwater warships, I accidentally hit one of my teammates. Oops wrong sub."

"Did you want to row or paddle? Either oar..."

"Anytime I see a tweet in a different language, I read it as ""Oo ee Oo ah ah, ting tang walla walla bing bang."""

"90 years from now, they'll sing songs about the courage and bravery you displayed during the great ""Instagram Selling Your Photos"" skirmish."

"Try and tell me about your cleanse and I will whip out my pocket bacon and eat it right in front of you."

"When my friends come over they know to ask ""may I sit here"" and then we look at my dog to see if it's OK"