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Joke of the Day

"What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? Gagged. Credit to my house-mate for this gem!"

"There's an emoji for eggplants but not for popcorn and this is why trusting people isn't just hard it's impossible."

"*Looks out the window to see it raining fire and brimstone* ""Oh man my car windows are down!"""

"I have my girlfriend a teeth whitening today. Too bad most landed on her chin"

"Did you see the gorgeous girl doing the taser demonstration? She was stunning."

"I thought this guy on the subway was yawning. Turns out he was just a mute sitting on a tack."

"Him: I just had sex with that woman! Me: She's 60. Him: I know. Me: I Hope you used protection or you might have caught osteoporosis."

"As a German, I sympathize with the unnamed masses of the Star Wars universe. For I too know what it's like to be betrayed by an evil Chancellor."

"Trump says he wants to move into the White House... ...why not? Wouldn't be the first time he pushed a black family from their house Edit: Credit to Snoop Dogg"

"The woman next to me smells SO good, is it weird if I'm like ""What perfume is that, I will literally stop robbing this bank if you tell me""?"