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Joke of the Day

"I honestly don't know how much longer I can be expected to go on before I inherit a manor with a horrifying secret"

"Why did the Frenchman not want two eggs for breakfast? Because one egg is un oeuf."

"why do gorillas have such big nostrils? because they have big fingers"

"My friend thought it would be funny to fake his own death... It was a hard thing for us to die-jest"

"[dinner party] *removing myself from table* Excuse me, I have to take this. *picks up host's dog* *leaves*"

"If my love life was a movie it would be Demolition Man... ...starring Sylvester Still-alone."

"What's 3 inches long and pleases all women? A credit card."

"What happened after the word bank was robbed? There was a run on sentences."

"Apparently I can tell the future. If I want something really bad I know it won't happen."

"I often misuse common phrases People are always pulling me off for it."