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Joke of the Day

"Some friends of mine had a baby. They didn't want to know what sex it was, instead they just preferred to wait, and see how much it earned."

"Horrible Crash ""Two pedestrians die in a horrible crash!"" Wow, they must've been walking pretty fucking fast."

"What's the difference between jam and jelly? I can't jelly my dick in your ass."

"With a face like that, I think it's a safe to say, life's been handing Renee Zellweger lemons for quite some time."

"[on a speed date] USUALLY I PREFER COCAINE BUT WOW"

"Kevin Smith's new movie looks awful. I think I'd rather watch a movie directed by Southwest Airlines."

"What do you get when you cross an aged marsupial with a con game? The old switcheroo."

"Hi, I'm going to tell a dad joke! Hi ""Im going to tell a dad joke,"" I'm dad!"

"You know how one lie leads to another? Well, to cut a long story short, my 7yo daughter now thinks she's allergic to owls."

"Elvis My wee pet mouse elvis has died ! He got caught in a trap !"