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Joke of the Day

"what's going on with people who are mad at movies that last longer than 90 minutes but happily watch an entire season of TV in one day"

"Why was the sprout farmer so assertive? He was an alfalfa male."

"What do you call a rebellious teenager whose parents are a lamb and a moose? A radical mooselamb"

"""Ah, Mr Bond, I-"" *closes laptop lid and pulls up trousers* ""-wasn't expecting you."""

"Like prison, most don't learn the life of crime till locked up. Like twitter, I learned to creep into houses and quietly eat their cheese."

"I've said it before and I'll say it again: I've said it before and I'll say it again."

"A blonde walks into a bar The man behind her just walks around it."

"A hammer and a Nail cost $1.10 The hammer is a dollar more than the nail, how much is does the nail cost?"

"Hey baby, wanna play lion? OK. You go kneel right there and I'll throw you my meat."

"If a rabbit does not get any food for a week... ...he can swallow a whole python. If a rabbit does not get any food or sex for a week, the python will wish he were swallowed first."