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Joke of the Day

"I always smoke after sex. I've quit now for 16 years."

"Which wrestler do the Gorillas admire most? Gorilla Monsoon - he knows the ropes!"

"What does a clever sentry on guard duty say when he wakes up to see his commanding officer standing over him? Amen"

"Neighbor: Yard sale huh? How much's mower? Me: $50 Him: Wait! That's the one you borrowed from me! Me: $20 Him: Its a $500 mower! Me: ..$100"

"Never underestimate the power of a hug. Or a slap upside the head. Whatever works."

"where do babies come from?? where the hell are they GOING is what i wanna know, folks!"

"Interviewer: says here you have a military background Me [getting out my phone]: yeah but I changed to a picture of my dog eating spaghetti"

"Is it too soon to crack a joke about flight MH17... Cause I'll probably be shot down."

"I like my coffee like I like my women Made by my mother."

"[Spelling Bee] -Your word is phlegm -Can you use it in a sentence? *loudly clears throat for 5 minutes*"