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Joke of the Day

"OMG you guys. I just got asked out. By a real live guy. I don't know what to do!? Play dead? Duck and roll? I'm so confused!!"

"Why did the Chili Pepper cross the road? To get to the other side...to get to the other siiiide"

"I hope I don't get bitten by a vampire when I'm old and have to spend eternity as a senior citizen."

"My track record as an adult is mostly false starts, hurdles and running around in a circle."

"A man walks into a bar... The man is now in a serious coma since he was stupid enough not to wear a hardhat in a construction zone."

"Why is the economy so bad has anyone told these guys there's always money in the banana stand"

"What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant girl? You can unscrew a lightbulb."

"Why'd the hipster burn his mouth? He had his soup before it was cool."

"Top 10 inappropriate songs to sing at a children's karaoke party; 10 - Sometimes When We Touch"

"Last night my mom made dinner, serving up a nice plate of ""You had so much potential"" with a steaming side of ""You shoulda married Jeff."""