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Joke of the Day

"ancestry dot com told me my ancestors were ""A Shit Ton of Sketchy Raccoons"". bullshit. i didnt pay 50 bucks for something i already knew"

"A woman was battered over breakfast ...it was waffle :("

"If you sleep with two prostitutes in one day... what is the first one called? a whore-derve"

"My son is an ungrateful little shit! I bought him a trampoline for Christmas, but he'd rather sit in his wheelchair and cry."

"Can we stop calling actors ""brave""? ""I cant believe he had the courage to play dress up pretend time make believe"""

"Does anyone know any herbal remedies for worthlessness?"

"The joke about the sun Is too hot to handle"

"Ladies, stop relying on Cosmo. It's written by women who don't know siht about men."

"In case you were wondering, Taco Bell offers free wi-fi. Don't bother asking for the password, because it's totally ""Cornhole Explosion""."

"Last week I went golfing and finally beat my wife... Those are two separate things."