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Joke of the Day

"ancestry dot com told me my ancestors were ""A Shit Ton of Sketchy Raccoons"". bullshit. i didnt pay 50 bucks for something i already knew"

"Sorry I mispronounced your baby's name you made up."

"Did you hear about the man with the five penises? His Condoms fit like a glove."

"To spice things up in the bedroom, I have my wife dress up as a pizza boy. Then, I have her put the pizza on the counter and then leave."

"What's the most insensitive nickname you can give a person with diabetes? Sweet Pee"

"I'm starting a self-serve fork business. It's called Go Fork Yourself."

"When British people get something stuck in their teeth, it's usually just another tooth."

"""The sum of the cabbage is directly proportional to the square root of the carrot divided by the mayo. That is Cole's Law."""

"What do you call a sophisticated American? Canadian"

"I got voted ""Least Likely To Succeed"" by my high school class... Fuck, I hate being a teacher."