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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a man with his hand up a horses ass? An Amish mechanic. A favorite from Robin Williams"

"What's Anakin Skywalker's favorite beer? Yeungling. He can kill off a 12-pack by himself."

"Can I play Piano? A: Doctor, will I be able to play the piano after the operation? B: Yes, of course. A: Great! I never could before!"

"How many libertarians? How many libertarians does it take to screw in a light-bulb? None. The market will take care of it."

"I opened the door last night to carol singers & said ""Do you know Silent Night?"" ""Yes"" they replied ""Well piss off then because I want one!"""

"I'm smarter than I look. I was gonna say -more intelligenter- but wasn't sure how to spell it so..."

"What do you call a man chasing a car? -Exhausted What do you call a man being chased by a car? -Tired"

"BREAKING NEWS: vaccinations do not work [camera cuts to several deflated balloon animals] look at these poor fellas"

"My analyst says I anthropomorphize... but It's only a problem when I do it to people."

"I don't understand what you mean by 'stop drinking so much'. How else will you know how much I love you at 2am every day?"