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Joke of the Day

"I tried to give my girl an Eskimo kiss... but she wasn't Inuit."

"Attention Netflix and Chill has been replaced The new thing is Cookies and Dick...that is all"

"So I got my blood test results back... apparently I did good, got an A+"

"What did you get for your birthday? Another year!"

"Why are pirates good at singing? They have great hARRRmony. I'm sorry."

"*holds up 2 ties* which one, I have a big meeting today ""both are nice"" [wife calls later] ""how'd it go"" well, wearing 2 ties was a disaster"

"How'm I going to 80's montage myself out of this one?"

"Why couldn't Princess Leia find love? She was looking in Alderaan places."

"I'm too tired to slap you. Bash your face up against my palm."

"Why does a honeymoon only last 7 days? Because 7 days makes a hole weak"