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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend asked me if I could have a threesome, which of her friends I would choose... I SHOULD NEVER HAVE NAMED 2 FRIENDS!"

"Wish triscuits would focus less on that basket weave design and more on not tasting like actual basket."

"Forrest Gump ran for 3 years, 2 months, and 14 days, which is approximately 3 years, 2 months, and 14 days longer than I've ever run."

"What's the difference between communism and capitalism? In the former, man exploits man, in the latter, it's exactly the opposite."

"Divorce Mickey - I want a divorce Minnie - Are you fucking crazy? Mickey - No.. I'm fucking Daisy!"

"Saw this guy having engine troubles with his smart car. So I got out my son's legos and built him a new one. I'm such a giver"

"The Nigerian Government is now offering a $3m reward for the safe return of the missing girls. All you need to do is provide your name, address, date of birth, bank details and mother's maiden name."

"my dance moves can best be described as ""did that dude just try to leap frog?"" & ""whoa that's a lot of blood"" & ""is he still alive?"""

"Jogging in place at a crosswalk makes you A) hole B) cool C) what I did there D) bag?"

"So it is my anniversary I couldn't think of what to get her... But I finally settled on a plunger, because bitches love bringing up old shit"