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Joke of the Day

"During an argument with my wife, she dropped the old ""why did you even marry me?"" line. Apparently ""Your sister was already taken"" was not the right answer."

"What did the police say when they finished interviewing Dylann Roof? You're hired"

"I'm surprised that more people don't become astronauts The amount of space cadets I come across is startling"

"Detective: Why did you dump those vegetables on my desk? Criminal: You said it was time to spill the beans."

"Back in college, I used to hang a sock on the doorknob when I wanted to signal my roommate that I had no idea how to fold laundry."

"Can't afford a cat? Duct tape 3 squirrels together, next question"

"Can't get a girl? Rip out your rib and make your own! Critics are raving ""this doesn't work"" and ""I'm bleeding to death""."

"The recommended age to have a Ouija Board is 8+ years old So you have to be 21 years old to drink, and 8 to summon the devil"

"George Michael is recording a song with all the proceeds going to end sectarian violence in the Middle East. It's call ""I Want Your Sects""."

"Many people are surprised to hear I'm married because I scream it at them as I descend from their broken skylight in the dead of night."