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Joke of the Day

"Apparently, it's frowned upon to walk up to two police officers and ask ""what are you douchebags up to?"""

"Yo momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, ""I need your weight not your phone number."""

"Wouldn't it be messed up if we found out Rome was built in like 23.5 hours?"

"What's the difference between a white Jew and a black Jew? Black Jews have to get in the back of the oven."

"I wish there was a ""skip this ad"" button that I could use when talking to annoying people in real life."

"If we ate cats for lunch we could consolidate something like 85% of all Facebook photos."

"[to the secretary before I go in for job interview] ""when the music starts, hit this button and that will activate the fog machine"""

"the iPhone 8 won't even come with headphones you'll have to imagine you're listening to music"

"What do you call 2 crackers arguing? White noise."

"TIFU by crashing my airplane I had forgotten to turn off my cell phone :("