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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a Genealogist and a gynecologist? A genealogist looks up your family tree. A gynecologist looks up your family bush."

"For David Blaine's next trick, he will move in to a series of increasingly small apartments and eventually die alone."

"Today I fucked up because your girl was riding on top of me."

"I finally made something of myself It's a wad of hair and ear wax and snot sitting in the garbage can."

"Had sex in a kiddie pool full of jam once. *pops jean jacket collar* I got marmalaid."

"What kind of pants do the Super Mario Bros. wear? Denim denim denim..... I'll see myself out."

"Knock Knock... Knock Knock Who's there? I have runnyeep I have runnyeep who? hahaha! (You have to say it out loud to get it)"

"*sings Batman theme *crawls along bars of death *rolls down slope *ascends tower *knocks out foes ""Miss, you need to leave the playground."""

"*I gently close front door Dog: Where have you been?? I was worried sick about you! See that vomit on the floor? That's because of you!"

"A man carrying his wife. She asks him to put her down. ""All right, you're an idiot."" he replied."