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Joke of the Day

"Me: Why is gay marriage such an issue now-a-days? Friend: Because people are FUCKING ASSHOLES! This can be taken in two ways and both are correct."

"I know a guy who survived an 8000-foot fall out of a plane. Until he hit the ground."

"A man walks into a bar... And is disqualified from the Limbo tournament"

"I wear a diaper for two reasons... Number one and number two."

"I'm a heavy sleeper. Also, a heavy awaker. Okay, I'm fat."

"Please. Old people. When you comment on a Facebook pic you don't need to end with Love, James. WE CAN SEE YOUR NAME YOU'RE NOT AN OSTRICH"

"They should make a movie of how WW4 almost started The sum of all spears"

"*stomps feet during a tantrum, reaches fitbit step goal*"

"Democrat men like to watch football while the women fix holiday meals. On this Republicans are in full agreement."

"How did I know my joke was not alright with my audience? They all left."