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Joke of the Day

"*stomps feet during a tantrum, reaches fitbit step goal*"

"Everyone suffering from diseases and natural disasters: hang in there, we're liking Facebook posts as fast as we can."

"Mum: did you masturbate while showering again? Son: I'm cleaning it as fast as I like to!"

"""One man's trash is another man's treasure"" is a great quote... ... but it is not the best way to tell your kid that he's adopted."

"How many redditers does it take to change a light bulb? 3. One to screw it in, the next to claim credit and the third to be a bot that reposts."

"""Do you think I could sell this couch on Craigsface?"" --Grandma"

"What do Italians do when they're waiting for somthing? They pasta time."

"What do you get when you cross Kansas with a vulture? Carrion my wayward son"

"Next time someone says ""Thanks!"" reply: ""You're welx!"". It's a cool new abbreviation I made up you can use. Make sure to attribute it to me."

"Me: Hey Mr. DJ, do you take requests? Dj: Yes. M: Excellent, can you turn it down a bit."