225840

Joke of the Day

"PERSONALITY TEST: When you read an obit where someone passes away ""surrounded by family,"" do you picture murder, or suicide?"

"How do you restore your body back to 'factory settings'? Is it kale? it's kale, isn't it? please don't say kale."

"Oh nothing, just editing this agreement. And by editing, I mean writing ""ool J"" after every mention of an LLC."

"If Obama was really Kenyan he would have won the race by now."

"*sees a spider* I'm going to kill him *turn around to get a shoe* *turns back around and spider has 8 shoes* Alright, let's be cool here"

"what do you call it when you donate a vagina to charity? good will cunting"

"Me: we're throwing a surprise party for Tim Wife: don't you hate Tim? Me: [filling balloons with bees] yes"

"If you take meat from a calf... ... it could either be veal or below-knee."

"Why is it tough to compete against a vampire? Because they're always out for blood!"

"Gambling is like a dwarf at a barbecue... ...The stakes are always just too high"