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Joke of the Day

"What is the difference between a parrot saying ""E equals M C squared"" and most people saying it? Nothing."

"Do you like dragons? Because I'ma be dragon my balls across your forehead."

"Today I witnessed an amputee being hanged. I tried to save him, but yelled out all the wrong letters. (H/T Demetri Martin)"

"I gave up my seat to a blind person in the bus. That is how I lost my job as a bus driver."

"A VIEW DO ASIAN PEOPLE VIEW THE WORLD IN LETTERBOX EDITION?"

"When I was a kid, my parents gave me a drum set for Christmas. They let me bang them as long as it wasn't after midnight. They always slept better after being banged."

"Just had the following conversation in court Judge: State your name. Me: Not Guilty Judge: What? Me: I had it legally changed. Judge: You're Not Guilty? Me: Thanks, I'm outta here"

"Did you hear about the actress who died? SO: ""Did you hear about that actress who died? Reese...Reese..? Me: ""Witherspoon?"" SO: ""No. With a knife."" Me: ""..."" Legitimate laughter ensued."

"Where do Neanderthals shop? Cave-mart."

"Have you ever played AD Soraka? It's bananas!"