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Joke of the Day

"Philippe Petit walked between the twin towers in 1974, big deal, I can do that today with no training. Just made that up, I hope it's not too soon."

"Sometimes I just sit and run my fingers through my lovers hair. It's a nice way to let them know my love and also that we're out of napkins."

"You ever see your kid looking so dirty at school and don't wanna pick him up? I just drove pass mine now like, 'Hell no, that is not my kid'"

"From what I can piece together, this Pitbull character enjoys ""partying"""

"Instead of the death penalty they should make prisoners nice and comfortable and then tell them that the remote control is across the room."

"I almost lost my hearing in an accident... It was a near-deaf experience."

"I rang my telecom provider. Before I got through , I had to say ""Jump through the hoop! Do a flip!"" They said my call may be recorded for training porpoises."

"I dated my financial advisor for like a year but I lost interest."

"Which came first. . . social media or dumb people? AND which is worse. . . the overdoing of selfies OR not knowing how to use the English language?"

"When I asked you for the punchline... ...I didn't think you were talking about polygamist domestic abuse."