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Joke of the Day

"My local psychic closed down... ..due to unforeseen circumstances"

"I went to the doctor and told him I thought I might be a kleptomaniac. He said, ""Here, take these pills."" So I took them."

"ELF: Santa one of the reindeer swallowed my pencil! What should I do? SANTA: Use a pen."

"Why is camping so much fun? It's intense!"

"*KFC* Me: how tender is the chicken? Employee: [points to chicken crying watching the notebook]"

"How do you make cultured milk? You take it to the Moo-seum. I know this joke is terrible, but I totally came up with it on my own, but I'm sure it exists already."

"Soon we'll all have to sign an apartment lease, sign up for electricity, and water, and cable, and school didn't teach any of this."

"The date was going great until she spooked me and then I squirted her with ink and quickly swam away"

"I asked a beautiful homeless girl if I could taker her home with me. She said, ""Yes!"" With a big smile... But that quickly changed when I walked away with the cardboard box that she lived in."

"How do we know Mayberry's Andy Taylor was a Redditor? He had sex with Opie's mom."