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Joke of the Day

"Doctor: You need new glasses Patient: How do you know? I haven't told you whats wrong with me yet Doctor: I could tell as soon as you walked in through the window!"

"Rectal Myopia Calling into work: ""I'm going to be out today with rectal myopia."" ""What's that?"" ""I just can't see my ass coming in."""

"If sexual frustration could be transferred into a usable energy source, I would be sitting on a gold mine"

"Q: Why did the blonde jump off the cliff? A: She thought her maxi pad had wings"

"Wife has 5 hours to live Doctor: I am sorry, your wife is with us for only 5 more hours. Husband: No need to be sorry. I have survived 20 years of marriage.. what's 5 more hours!"

"Why did the Eskimo wash his clothes in tide? Because it was too cold out tide."

"What happened to the religious idol when it was put up at auction? It was sold to the highest Buddha."

"2016 jokes Sleep is my drug....my bed is my dealer....and my alarm clock is the police."

"Why did the cold war last so long? The US couldn't stop Stalin."

"What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic? Halfway."