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Joke of the Day

"You should be able to get out of a speeding ticket if you can prove you were listening to a kick-ass song."

"Banks suck ass. First they get bailed out with $700B of our money, then they're like ""You can't use Wingdings for the font on your checks."""

"Did you hear that actress got stabbed? That Reese, uhhh, whats her name? Reese ....... ""WITHERSPOON?"" Nah she got stabbed with a knife."

"I like to think of myself as a guy who doesn't scare too easily but I just beat the shit out of a motion activated air freshener."

"What did the square of cloth identify as on tumblr? Nap-kin"

"I was touched by Jesus once Worst field trip to a Mexican prison ever"

"People who talk to themselves tend to be better lovers. Did you know that? Yes, I did know that. Thank you for asking."

"My Grandfather developed Cancer when he was younger Some say he's the most evil scientist to ever have lived."

"GPS: You're not really lost, you just want someone to talk to."

"Why was 7 arrested for homicide? Because somebody divided 14 into 2 and he was the prime suspect"