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Joke of the Day

"I lost my voice. If whoever finds it could resume screaming at my ex-husband, that would be much appreciated."

"Why did the sperm cross the road? Because I put on the wrong sock this morning..."

"Did anyone else hear about the claustrophile? He just came out of the closet recently."

"Some of your timelines are my morning paper."

"Have you heard the joke about Oprah's new line at Starbucks? It's a warm, comforting, medium-dark roast."

"EXCLUSIVE OFFER: 1,000 tampons for only $5 No strings attached."

"So I found out today I have Alzheimer's..."

"Did you hear the one about the shrimp throwing a fit? He was just being tempuramental."

"I've set my phone to airplane mode to add more realism to the nausea and turbulence I experience at work."

"What's the difference between a white guy and a pizza? A pizza doesn't shoot up a school."