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Joke of the Day
"These one line jokes are really something ..they put you up straight in line of fire."
Next Joke
"No pants were worn during the making of this tweet."
"Found a $50 bill in the laundromat the other day.. I looked to the washer and dryers for clues, but they all told me to Bounce."
"If you keep laughing then you'll always have the last laugh."
"If a woman sleeps with a bunch of guys, she's a slut. But if a guy does the same thing, then he's gay."
"Where did Sally go after the explosion? Everywhere."
"""Grab a Pop Tart!"" I tell my kids as I'm mixing up the dogs' breakfasts of organic, grain-free dog food with Greek yogurt and $85 vitamins."
"My nickname is Snapchat.... My nickname is Snapchat because I only last 5 seconds and then disappear forever."
"The five unwritten rules of life 1. 2. 3. 4. 5."
"An atheist, a crossfitter, and a vegan are all sitting at a bar... and I only know this because they won't shut the fuck up about it."