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Joke of the Day

"Define the lecturer Teacher to Student: Can you define the lecturer? Student: A lecturer is person who has bad habit of speaking when someone is sleeping."

"When I explained Twitter to my mother she said, ""Sounds like group therapy where no one's getting better."" Well played, Mom. Well played."

"Rule number one of the English language: The use of double negatives is a big no-no"

"I don't know what my wife is most upset about today. The fact that she caught me having sex with her mother this morning or the fact that her mother died during her sleep last night."

"When I was young, I wanted to date a doctor for money. How superficial was that? Now it would be for the prescriptions."

"Saw a licence plate today that said ""LUVSHOES"" Couldn't decide if they love fashionable footware or easy women.."

"I'm having a 'Two Girls One Cup' kinda day and I'm the cup."

"I found the quickest way for a woman to make you a millionaire. See, first you need to be a billionaire..."

"It was so cold last night I saw a lawyer with his hands in his *own* pockets."

"A penguin, a priest, and a cowboy walk into a bar. The bartender says, ""Is this some kind of joke?!"""