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Joke of the Day

"Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, & acceptance: the five stages of watching them put lettuce on your sandwich at Subway."

"First rule of being Italian is to tell everyone you're Italian. (I can say this cause I'm Italian.)"

"FACEBOOK asks me what I'm thinking, TWITTER asks me what I'm doing, FOURSQUARE asks me where I am. Conclusion: Internet is my girlfriend!"

"Which state does the most laundry? Washington."

"I say tomato. You say tomahto. Then I whip out my Webster's dictionary and show you how you pronounced it wrong."

"I didn't go through four years of grad school for this! (I didn't go to grad school.)"

"Every 5 out of 6 people say Russian Roulette is fun... I wonder why the sixth guy hates it"

"85% of conversations with my mom is trying to figure out who the ""she"" in her story is."

"Medical fact If a woman drinks two glasses of wine a day, it increases the chance of a stroke. If you let her finish the bottle, she'll probably suck it as well! haw haw haw"

"What do history teachers make when they want to get together? Dates!"