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Joke of the Day

"Q: What happens if you sing country music backwards? A: You get your job and your wife back."

"If you ask your hair dresser for the Zooey Deschanel... You're really just getting more bang for your buck."

"[touching face upon receiving compliment] Glad you like it. But, it's not a teardrop tattoo. It's an Oxford comma."

"Is your name Wi-Fi? Because I'm feeling a connection."

"My girlfriend said, ""Hey, want to hear a dirty joke..."" I expected her to say ""a white horse in mud"", but she surprised me with ""your dick after we do anal""."

"I'm not a fan of NASCAR but I hear it's popular in some circles."

"""Grandpa, why did everyone make a big deal out of selfies when they're just pictures, oh and thanks a lot for doing nothing about climate."""

"UPCOMING JESUS APPERANCES 8/3 Pancake, Norfolk, VA 8/10 Cheeto, Salem, OR 8/19 Window stain, Orem, UT 8/23 Vegemite Jar, Perth, AU"

"I have enough money to last me for the rest of my life... Unless, of course, I want to buy something."

"There are two kinds of people in this world, the kind that keep their inbox at zero... and the kind that want to run for president someday."