224528

Joke of the Day

"*flips cap backwards* son, let's keep it real *puts on another cap* the realest *puts on suit made of backwards caps* REALality. word."

"[guy who just got out of prison on a technicality] ""what were you in for?"" murder, a guy... a guy... ""spit it out man"" a guy, interrupted me"

"I got some used paint In the shape of a house."

"Vagina jokes are not funny Period."

"What did the voltage say to the current? What's up, ohmie?"

"Coldplay have been arrested. They played ""Clocks""."

"Death hack: bury your loved ones with their fitness trackers for a low-cost early zombie alert system."

"Life is ironic. We spend so much money on expensive clothes, but the best moments in life are spent without them."

"I own a lot of cleaning supplies for someone whose friends inscribed ""dust me"" on my coffee table recently."

"Sorry kids, Santa isn't real. If he was, he'd be an obese pedophile, felon, and elf slave owner. Seriously though, Merry Christmas."