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Joke of the Day

"[boys at work talking sports] Them: what's your favorite sport Me: yeah"

"The owner of the local pet store let me take a test fish home to see if I'd like one as a pet... ...It was a beta"

"911: what's your emergency? M: I'm out of ketchup. 911: miss I don't think u get how 911 works. M: I DONT THINK U GET HOW HOT DOGS WORK"

"My girlfriend keeps telling me to buy camo because it's really in But I can never find it at the store."

"my doctor gave me 2 months to live when i told him i wouldnt be able to pay off my medical bills by then, he gave me another 2 months"

"It's my wife birthday coming up and she keeps going on about how bad I am at buying presents. Well this year she's in for a rude awakening. I'm buying her a Tourettes alarm clock."

"So my girlfriend told me she wanted to go to the zoo. I told her Wal-Mart is right down the street, and it's free."

"I'm more confused than a homeless person on house arrest."

"I don't understand why people get excited about carbon dating. But then perhaps I just haven't met the right pencil."

"The scariest room in a haunted house would be filled with people you haven't seen since high school asking what you've been up to these days"