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Joke of the Day

"What does a ship say when it is cold? Shiver me timbers!"

"Just overheard the phrase, ""pregnant with a baby,"" and secretly wondered what the other options were."

"Dear North Carolina, if you let guys marry each other, you'll have more available women in your family to date!"

"They are giving free AIDS test at the DMV. The only thing worse than waiting in line at DMV is finding out you have AIDS."

"Teacher: Can you tell me something important that didn't exist 100 years ago ? Pupil: Me !"

"So I was sentenced to death by hanging... but my execution is being suspended temporarily."

"Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, he'll eat for a lifetime. Give a man a monthly subscription of fish delivery right to his home, profit."

"Friends don't let friends make Harlem Shake' videos..."

"A fun prank is to search ""buy antique dolls"" on someone's computer because then all their Facebook targeted ads are creepy dolls forever"

"TORTURER: I'm gonna water-board u ME: Hahaha, where u gonna find enough water TORTURER: *takes Tupperware out of the dishwasher* ME: Oh shit"