224231

Joke of the Day

"God: sends you to hell for aborting your 'child'.nGod: killed his only son.nAnd that, ladies & gentlemen, is religion in a nutshell."

"So a mexican says... Fuck weed, Legalize my mom."

"I was just told by my doctor that I have cancer and alzheimer's. At least I didn't get cancer!"

"A popular Muslim wants into a new bar That place really blew up"

"An atheist, a crossfitter, and a vegan are all sitting at a bar... and I only know this because they won't shut the fuck up about it."

"If you love something, set it free. Maybe not sharks though. Or bees. Viruses. Lots of stuff really. Look, the point is don't love anything."

"Just bought some local farm-fresh free-range artisanal organic grass-fed hormone-free something or other that makes me better than you."

"I saved my girlfriends phone number as LOW BATTERY'. Whenever she calls and I'm not around, the wife takes the phone and plugs it to the charger unknowingly."

"Doctor: You can only have clear liquids after midnight Me: Sure no problem Doctor: Not white wine Me:"

"Maybe I forgot to text back. Maybe it's Maybelline."