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Joke of the Day

"I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. And then it dawned on me."

"I bought a gallon of Wite-Out the other day.... Big mistake."

"When my buddy smokes weed with me, he calls it smoking me out. Apparently bringing over a pizza and eating him out means something totally different."

"When I was growing up plastic surgery was a bit of a taboo subject... These days if you mention Botox no one raises an eyebrow."

"Did you hear the joke about the ageless baby? It never gets old. Did you hear the joke about Michelle Obama's vagina? It's a dark one."

"Why can the Cornish always lend a hand? They probably have a spare."

"When a man sleeps with a lot of women.... ....he's called a stud. When a woman sleeps with a lot of men, she's called your mum. -Another gem by Jimmy Carr"

"According to the NSA, most of my calls are me saying, ""I forgot what you told me to pick up at the store."""

"Sarah Millican just called Stephen Hawking a good sport."

"My boss told me if I kept showing up late he'd give me a pink slip and I was like, how does he know about my tastes in women's underwear?"