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Joke of the Day

"A thief stole my gate the other day, but I didn't report him I was afraid he might take a fence"

"Why did Snow White buy an android phone? She thought the apple was poisoned."

"I have this reoccurring nightmare called a job."

"Why were Popeye's forearms so big? Because Olive Oyl was saving herself for marriage."

"Vasaline is the key to having sex with your spouse after having children... *Just stick that stuff on the outside of the doorknob and the kids can't turn the knob to get in."

"How does a religious extremist convert an atheist into a holy man? They use a machine gun."

"Remember, if you get dumped, it's only because they're looking for someone sexier and more attractive. It has NOTHING to do with you."

"[job interview] ""So what would you say is your biggest weakness?"" ""I'm pretty bad at reading situations."" *tries to kiss interviewer*"

"Turns out there isn't a single sexy explanation for having a fork in your bed."

"I can guess how many times you've had sex... 0! about 99% of you guys just had your minds *blown*"