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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the comedian who gave an old lady a defective piece of cooking equipment? He's known for his deadpan delivery."

"There are dogs that can detect cancer, find missing people, detect bombs, etc. My dog rolls around in other animals feces."

"Why it is important that you grow mustaches? So that when you lick pussy they absorb the acids and therefore protect your teeth from falling off."

"Told my mum someone had been shot and she asked with what? I wanted to reply 'with a cutlass' but I want her to pay for masters..."

"Did you hear about the Candy Factory they opened on the East Coast? It closed after a month... they couldn't find any good wrappers."

"Getting colagen injections in my lips next week 'cause, you know, 'tis the season to be Jolie."

"Who was Japan's favorite racist comedian? Charlie JAPlin. hahahaahhaha stop racism."

"What's easier to load into a garbage truck, babies or bowling balls? Babies, because you can use a pitchfork."

"I've become such a positive person recently, that I only wash my hair with Pantene Pro V bonafidepoo and proditioner."

"A woman noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. ""Ha! That's not going to help,"" she said. ""Sure, it does,"" he said. ""It's the only way I can see the numbers."""