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Joke of the Day

"My life is like a romantic comedy Except there's no romance and it's just me laughing at my own jokes. > HA! Hilarious and original! Encore!"

"A terrorist walks into a pet store and says ""You have 5 minutes to get out of here...I'm going to blow myself up."" Tortoise : Dafuq :-/"

"The difference between being erotic and being kinky? It's erotic if you use a feather... ...but it's *kinky* if you use the whole chicken."

"Tried to text ""playa"" but it changed it to ""player"" I must have the white iPhone."

"Knock Knock Who's there? Doris. Doris who? Doris locked, that's why I'm knocking!"

"[traffic stop] Officer: Ma'am, do you know why I pulled you over? Me: *backseat full of penguins* Um, I'm guessing the aquarium called?"

"AMA Request: Adolf Hitler"

"When robots take over, information will be measured in terrorbytes. Just something I came up with =)"

"I started a band called 999 megabytes We still haven't gotten a gig."

"I dreamed... I dreamed I was a muffler and I woke up exhausted."