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Joke of the Day

"On a positive note, once Trump becomes president and burns the world to the ground, our student loan debt is essentially wiped clean"

"Log Entry 21: it's been 3 weeks & we're still lost in this Macy's. We were forced to eat Amy. Polo ties are now 40% off."

"The human body can survive 28 days without food, but only 11 minutes without Internet."

"What did the Taliban soldier say to his buddy? Afgan I pee... Stan he fer me a minute."

"Surprises are always more fun... unless it's a baby. They tend to startle easily, so an ill-timed surprise may actually upset them."

"The sandwich I ate for lunch reminded me of my dad.. gone."

"My brother just lost his left hand, but the doctor told me not to worry. He's going to be alright."

"- What do we want? - A cure for ADD! - When do we want it? - Ducks. I liked a movie. I'm hungry."

"Why'd the chicken cross the road? To get the Chinese Newspaper. Do you get it? . . . . . . . Me neither, I get the New York Times"

"[1st day as judge] Murderer: [waves at me] Me [waves back]: He seems nice Lawyer: He killed six people Me: He probably didn't mean it"